Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I Can’t Believe My Eyes So Much That I’m Considering Smothering Them With a Pillow

The phrase “childlike glee” gets thrown around a lot. This is one case where I would not consider it inappropriate.

Gristle is on vacation, and he has been sending me periodic text messages and emails while he’s gone. You know, just to keep me in the loop.

A few days ago, I got the following email from him (in English):

Subject: how are you

are you happy?

how are you?

whe are you?

Police detectives and fourth grade Language Arts classes have “who, what, when, where, why”; Gristle’s more subtle and versatile approach uses only “how”, “whe”, and “are you happy”. I believe that America’s Finest should think seriously about making “are you happy” a part of every police interview as a matter of procedure. And listen, LAPD: if you do, I have just the constable you’re looking for.

(This all reminds me of one of my favorite entries in the ongoing series “English Interactions with Gristle”. I wasn’t there, but my friend Kelsey had the following conversation with him over gchat:

Kelsey: how are you?
Gristle: i am gristle)

This morning, he sent me the following, via text:


Translated as literally as possible, this means:

It’s snowing! It’s really snowing! It just started snowing right now! I had no idea! I thought that that it wouldn’t snow again this year and I would be full of regret! I had no idea God would still satisfy me! Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha, Gristle. Ha ha ha ha, indeed. Hope the little 30 year old enjoys himself out there.