Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Results Are In

Results, from least to most important:

  1. I am not the father of the Missouri child whose mother claims she was impregnated by Lil Wayne.
  2. My affable charm and full head of hair are likely to last my entire life, based on recently completed genetic testing.
  3. I can do more pushups in 30 seconds than all but one of the faculty members at my school.

The Teachers’ Sports Meet, which other correspondents, mostly me in various guises, have breathlessly reported on recently, finally took place this Wednesday, December 1, after weeks of excruciating calisthenic foreplay.

Since I posted about the Sports Meet quite extensively last year, and since I have to finish this post quickly so I can skype with my dad for his birthday (happy birthday, pops! Your affable charm and full head of hair are an inspiration for us all!), I offer bullet points: playful shadows, psychological accretions, touch points, touchstones, lodestones, millstones, grists.

  • I did celebrate like Usain Bolt at the end of my 100 meter race.

    Usain
Bolt

    On on the other hand, I did not win.

  • I clinched the pushup silver medal by doing 41 pushups in 30 seconds. I think that’s pretty good. The guy who beat me didn’t go down all the way and was bending at the waist. Judge Chen, alas, was fooled.

  • One of the men who competed in the 400 meter run was wearing black slacks and a long-sleeved dress shirt. I called him “Semiformal” and mocked him with abandon, but no one spoke English, so it was fine.

  • Last year my name on the competition schedule was “外教2” (foreign teacher 2); this year it was “Jon”. Andy’s name on the schedule was “Amby”. So even though I didn’t win my 100m race, I’m still somehow a winner.

  • Just like last year, I got a commemorative towel. This year’s has purple and gray stripes. Neither of those are school colors.