Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Why I Should Not Seek Work as a Professional Photographer

(Above and beyond the fact that I do not have any experience photographing anything for money, I do not own camera equipment of any kind, I have no eye for composition, I never remember to bring my camera to important events, people tend to find my photographs “off-putting”, I have trouble taking pictures of people in ways that do not make them feel uncomfortable, I am unreasonably fascinated by cute Chinese babies, so much so that I tend to ignore any non-baby related content present at any particular place or time.)

A photo of the 2010 Asian Games opening ceremony, taken by professional photographer Mike Clarke for Getty Images.

Professional

A photo from the same opening ceremony, taken by me while I tried to set the self-timer on my camera.

Amateur

In fact, my friends and I took or attempted to take 18 self-portraits while waiting to watch the fireworks. None were successful, despite attempts to combat my obvious photographic failings by employing crouches:

One bad picture

excessive teeth:

Yeah, there's another

and sensual seduction:

MAKE IT STOP

Parties interested in hiring me for weddings, birthdays, or mitzvot (bar, bat, and assorted other) are encouraged me to contact me by using the comments form below or by babygram (baby must be sent via registered mail. Please include a SASE if you wish recipient to return baby.)