Wednesday, June 16, 2010

What’s this?

A lad at play! And his bottled water!

Me

Nope. 75% rubbing alcohol, liebe Leser. I know what you’re thinking: but he looks so happy!

Now, I knew I was buying rubbing alcohol*, but I’m going to put on my consumer advocacy hat for a second (after taking off my current hat, which is, what?, the sarcasm I use as an excuse to avoid intimacy? Not really sure about the current situation, vis-à-vis headwear.) — I’m going to put on the consumer advocacy hat and say that bottles of that shape and size are reserved for water. Other clear, colorless liquids need not apply. If you don’t speak Chinese and you walk into a convenience store and grab a bottle of this stuff, you’re not going to use it to sterilize your meth needles or clean your welding surfaces, you’re going to get thirsty and you’ll DRINK IT UP. I’ve almost accidentally drunk from it about 7 times since I bought it, and I bought it. Specifically because I needed rubbing alcohol. As a long time fan of consumer advocate headgear, I am troubled by this state of affairs.

*I knew I was buying rubbing alcohol, but it took me a while to figure out how to say it. I tried to describe it to an employee at the supermarket as a disinfectant liquid, but that didn’t work, so then I tried a literal translation of “rubbing alcohol”, which probably sounded like “massage wine”. I can understand why the employee refused to help me further.

If I didn’t know any better (and I do not know better; in fact, I’m sure this is exactly what happened), I’d say that they bought a big tub of rubbing alcohol, spent 10 minutes making a new label in Microsoft Publisher 98, and devoted the rest of the afternoon to putting the alcohol in stolen water bottles and counting their profits. Oh, and the label has already started to fall off. Once it does, I will have an unlabeled water bottle on my desk, except instead of water inside there will be rubbing alcohol, and I will literally be the only person in the world to know that fact. So, hey, Gus: don’t drink anything you find in my room. In fact, let’s just make that a general rule.

Anyway, an ultimatum: if this irresponsible rubbing alcohol labelling behavior doesn’t change in, let’s say, oh, 12 days, I’m going back to America.