Tonight Gus and I went to one of those Brazilian buffet restaurants where they serve you great chunks of beef, pork, and lamb from big skewers carried around the dining room by Chinese men in cowboy hats. Yeah, it was weird for me too. I have so much protein in me right now, you have no idea. I am full up. I haven’t eaten this much meat since punchline.
If you’ve never been to one of these restaurants, by the way, make no mistake: meat is the name of the game. Here, here’s the first Google image search result for “brazilian restaurant”:
It was exactly like that. The restaurant had a buffet with some (a few, a smattering of) vegetables (right side of picture) and big tootsie-rolls of meat, brought right to your table (left side of picture). Slightly less than half of the restaurant was on fire. The people were nice too. The Chinese maître d’ was really into practicing his English. He came up to our table at one point with a plate of huge terrifying shrimp things that looked like this:
He held the plate up to me and said, “Will you eat shellfishes?” I told him that no, I will not. Gus was up at the buffet this whole time, by the way, so all this shellfish talk was just me, the man, and shrimps the size of my face.
By the way, that Brazilian restaurant image is from a post on eTampaRealEstate.com entitled “Why You Need to Visit Boizao Steakhouse Tampa Florida.” I am not used to being told in such stark terms about what I need to do when it comes to South American cuisine. But it is realtor Marc Vitorillo’s favorite steak restaurant in the Tampa Bay area, so what do you have to lose?
Based on what this meat is probably going to do/already doing to my digestive system, heart, lungs, waistline, and all-around e. coli situation, you have so, so much to lose.
But you do have a 50% off coupon. For Memorial Day weekend. But only Friday and Saturday. In 2008.
Really you just probably shouldn't go.