Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Day of Silence

This blog will continue to remain essentially silent for the next few days to commemorate:

  • The failure of traditional marriage to Get Its Shit Together and defeat the gay menace in Portugal. I bet God is all, like, “Jesus Christ! How many terrifying volcanoes will it take for you guys to realize that this man lying with another man stuff is not OK? That was not a rhetorical question. JESUS, don’t you ever listen?”

  • The 30 year anniversary of the Mount St. Helens eruption. A spokesman for God confirmed that this was a preemptive strike against dude-on-dude action.

  • The recent death of John Shepherd-Barron, inventor of the ATM. His death was retaliation for his name, which is a little bit homosexual, in a British way.

  • My general day-to-day busyness, virtually none of which is gay-related or -themed.

See you soon unless homosexuals destroy all global communication links, which I hear is what they’re planning on doing next, right after the Tonys.